Learn: Emotions and reactions
Emotions happen, it is a fact and a part of being human. Trying to cover them up, control them or pretend they don't happen will just create further problems.
So our first step in understanding others is to normalise emotions. Be curious about them and try to learn from them – what is happening that is causing pain, upset or neediness?
How it works
Watch this video to find out how our limbic system creates emotions that drive our behaviours.
Situations that can cause limbic threats
Many emotional reactions are an expression of unmet needs or a limbic threat. Identifying that need or threat works wonders for understanding someone and defusing volatile emotions. The Be SAFE and Certain model that you learned in Chapter 1 provides a powerful framework to interpret people’s behaviour. You will find the vocabulary gives you a way in to a new level of understanding.
Take a look at the four videos below to consider how threats happen in the workplace and the emotional responses they can cause.
Micromanaging
Consider this example of a leader who creates specific and detailed plans. Notice how the Be SAFE & Certain elements of Certainty and Autonomy affect team members in different ways.
Us vs them
Us vs them situations can look like teams not getting along or silos forming. Take a look at this example and notice how Belonging can sometimes create disconnection as well as connection.
Creating uncertainty
In this example you will see how accidentally creating uncertainty can destabilise a whole team or organisation.
Gossip and rumours
Feelings of uncertainty can drive the spread of untrue stories. Take a look at how it can happen in this example.
Put it into practice
You might recognise some of the examples you have just seen from your own experiences and you are likely to have other situations coming to mind. Take a moment to reflect and write down situations that create emotional reactions for you.
Bring to mind the behaviours of your colleagues that you don’t particularly like, or that you think might be damaging to others.
Ask yourself:
How might their behaviour be a quest for dopamine, a threat/stress reaction, or an attempt to get revenge from previous (perceived) slights.
What element of Be SAFE & Certain might their limbic system be focused on? What are their unmet needs?
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